Welcome to my Life

This is my first blog… ever. Since I will stay anonymous, I will be freely speaking about many things in my personal life which very few people know or able to be honest about. So as an introduction, let me state just how much of an Iceberg my life is:

The Part of the Iceberg above water (Which most people know):

I am a qualified chemical engineer working for a big company and making a difference in it. I have won a few awards for my work, went to an international conference last year and made an impact there. People almost always say that I am the most approachable person they know. I have amazing true friends who mean the world to me. A family that supports me. I absolutely love helping people and seeing them grow, that is my passion. I won the mentor of the year award at my work in 2016 and helped multiple people, in my free time, pass their mathematics and some of them even achieving distinctions where they previously could not understand the work. I now believe I can achieve whatever I want to, limits are only in our minds, the world is filled with opportunity…

The large part of the iceberg under the water (Which very few people know):

I will try to keep it short… Brace yourself…

I am a gay man and in my effort to ‘cure’ my ‘disease’ I went further into religion, to the extent where I unknowingly joined a religious cult. They obviously believed it was one of the biggest sins and I fought against it harder and harder. I fell in love with a straight guy that was in the cult with me and the obsession started. It grew stronger and stronger the more I fought it and the more I ‘gave up’ my life, for the vision of the cult. I felt close to God in that time. The obsession and strange teachings from the cult (and some divine intervention), lead me to a psychosis in 2012 just before my 23rd Birthday. My pastor then mentally, spiritually and even physically hurt me when I went to him for help and in my confused state, some good people found me and I was taken to hospital. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and lost almost everything dear to me at that time. I lost my family (Church family) and was rescued by my ‘biological’ family, whom I have almost written off due to the cult brain washing. That same brainwashing made my ‘chosen’ family (cult) to push me away, shun me and call me demon possessed. I lost my ability to think, reason and problem solve, which was one of my biggest idols. Being so angry with God, I threw away my faith. I lost my heart and desire to live. If it was not for this ‘biological’ family who showed me what REAL LOVE meant, I would have surely taken my life. I was then further diagnosed with major depression with psychotic tendencies. This diagnosis put me on many pills, each one making me feel less emotions, less human. I hated everything bout myself. In the process of 1 year, I gained more than 20 kg in fat, becoming obese. At that point I had to realize I am an obese, gay, brainwashed man with a mental illness. At the age of 24 I felt my life was already over…

My life is very different now and I have learned that the deeper the roots of a tree, the higher up it can grow. The seasons also make the tree change. Trees are beautiful in Spring with blossoms, in Summer they give us nourishment from their fruits, in Autumn they have beautiful leaves, but then start losing them and in Winter they are barren and look dead, with almost no beauty. We are like these trees and life will take us through the same seasons, but even in the winter, the tree still grows and gets stronger to make the next winter more bearable.