This post will only be me, ranting. I am writing it for myself, so if you feel any hesitation to read it, please read something else/better, like I said, this is more of a way to capture my own thoughts, for myself.
In the winter, when the cold seems to enter your bones and nothing you can do, can make the cold go away or warm you up enough. The chill makes your bones ache. Or when a sharp object is thrusted into your flesh and you see blood gushing out of it. That is how it feels like to hurt emotionally. A constant pain, that demands your attention. A pain that drains all the colour out of the world around you. A pain that is more real than anything else at that moment, yet there is no physical mark or evidence on your body. At least with physical wounds, people can see the wounds and acknowledge it, but with emotional wounds, we cannot perceive it from the body alone. If you are like me, then you have learned ways to cope, ways to hide it even further, that nobody would be able to see. Leading me to suffer alone, suffering in some deep pit. If I do not watch out, darkness becomes my friend. This friend is more of a foe. He makes you woe in your sorrows and presses deeper on the pain, only to tell you that there is no hope, there is no light and pain is all that you will feel the rest of your life.
In my previous post, I talked about warfare and like clockwork, after praying intensely for some people in my life, where Lumen was one of them, the darkness returned in all it’s dark glory, trying to take me over. At least I know something must be changing in those whom I have prayed for, since the kingdom of darkness hates what I am doing, but now, the battle for my own sanity is taking place. If I do not run to my Savior and cling to Him like a little baby, solely dependent on his caretaker, I will self destruct, destroying myself and damaging those around me.